Monday, August 21, 2006

Quotes from the victims of the Evil DM


“Until now, I didn’t think arch-devils traveled in groups”.
“I missed with a natural 20?”
“I didn’t think anything did 40-400 points of damage”.
“We should have become farmers”.
“I didn’t even know Zeus was mad at me”.
“He has a magic resistance of what?”
“You say we were completely surprised by a fifty-foot dinosaur hiding in that empty field”.
“The thief stole my fighter’s armor while he was wearing it?”
“Armed with only a silver belt buckle, my hero is surrounded by hordes of werewolves…”
“Well, you’re right that Vulcan vampires do have their hearts in a different location”.
“Each of the kobolds has a wand of Orcus?”
“So, this troll seems to be regenerating our fire damage”.
“Fighters can’t use edged weapons?”
“I never heard of a sword of party member slaying”.
“Since when is Gruumsh* a wandering monster?”
“You don’t use saving throws?”
“Thanks. I always thought having two arms wasn’t challenging enough”.
“But the A-bomb hasn’t been invented yet!”
“No, seriously, how much damage did I take?”
“A pack of tarrasques?”
“Come on, in a first-level dungeon? It has to be a gas spore”.
“That’s one tough kobold”.
“Tinker gnomes invented Uzis?”
“Exactly what is a ‘pantheon’, and why is it mad at me?”
“Just how many 30th-level evil wizards are there in this village?”
“I never knew Tiamat had so many twin sisters”.
“That’s its forty-third attack. Can we draw our swords now?”
“How did BattleMechs get into this dungeon?”
“Our group decides not to go to the Castle of Ultimate Pain, but instead back into town”.
“So you’re saying if you cut off their eyes, they grow into little beholders”.
“’Spontaneous decompression’ is a spell?”
“That’s okay, the spikes broke his fall”.
“Do you think we could use store-bought modules from now on?”
“But I’m already dead!”